I Will
by GypsyxBells
Summary: She lowered her gaze, under the weight of her guilt and her pity, and when she looked up again she found herself staring into wide, passionate eyes of sparking gold. -What if Ichigo had gone with Kisshu in epi. 45? For BroadwayObsessedGirl54's contest.


**A/N This is my entry for Broadway-chan's contest! ^^ The theme was 'What would have happened if Ichigo had gone with Kisshu in episode 45'. I've been studying for exams for the past two weeks (and staying up til 3 or 4 in the morning~), and so there has been an acute lack of fanfic-writing going on lately (terribly sorry about the delay of chapter 3 of One Last Kiss, for any of you who are reading it Dx I'm working on it, but I won't have much more free time til Sunday). I'm not sure how satisfied I am with this story; I wanted to make sure I made the contest deadline, so I rushed through some things I normally would have taken more time on. But that's not an excuse, really, just an explanation of my feelings. :P I should stop rambling... Anyways, mayhaps I will make some changes once the contest has been judged? I'm actually really excited to read the other entries. :D Good luck to any other entrants who are reading this. :)**

**So anywhats, here it is. **

**P.S. The part in italics is a flashback (I'm telling you now to avoid confusion ^^;)**

* * *

Wind whispered across the sidewalk, pushing dry, rasping leaves past her feet. She knew she was running late, but her mind was elsewhere, her heart aching softly, filled with alien sadness. The urge to cry came over her, shocking her into a small gasp. She was being silly. Obviously, a situation such as this one called for a certain amount of grief and pity; it was only natural, only human. So she told herself, so she tried so hard to make herself believe. But these feelings were too real; this sadness that was weighing her down was proving to be alarmingly difficult to banish. She lowered her gaze, under the weight of her guilt and her pity, and when she looked up again she found herself staring into two wide, passionate eyes of sparking gold.

"K-kisshu." She jumped, for the sake of jumping, and stuttered over his name. Maybe it was his gaze that tied up her thoughts like this, for she wasn't startled. She'd come to accept his unexpected appearances over time, just as she had come to realize how often he watched her. Her heart ached again at that thought. Her muscles tensed, not in preparation for battle, not this time, but in uncertainty. She'd forgotten how to act around him, how to be normal.

"Hey, koneko-chan." He was smiling at her; cocky as he moved to cup her chin with his smooth fingers. She could not bring herself to find his touch repulsive, and she wondered what normal even was. "This is where we first met, isn't it? You've gained a little weight, huh?"

She stared at him, ignoring the insult, trying to find her breath, her voice; trying to clear her thoughts and untangle the complicated web of her feelings. "Don't." She pushed his hand away, less forcefully than she might have, wincing internally when he withdrew it without complaint. Somehow that was worse than having him struggle with her.

He stepped away from her, throwing up his hands and smiling slightly. "What's wrong, kitten? You're usually so aggressive." Her eyes raked his form from head to toe, trying to comprehend the reality she had been enlightened to, trying to reconcile this new image of him with the confident, carefree person who stood before her.

"What did you come here for?" Her voice sounded sad, even to her; she panicked a little, trying to compensate for her lapse in control with an angry expression. Kisshu's face changed then; the playful expression dropped away suddenly, and Ichigo realized just how much of an act it had been. In his eyes she perceived something akin to desperation. Her pulse quickened as she gazed at his face; she felt as though she were being pulled in, closer to the edge of doing something rash.

"I came to pick you up." Ichigo's blood ran cold. Her muscles bunched instinctively, telling her to run. Her heart was saying something different, though; it tugged at her consciousness. She tripped over her boots in confusion, stumbling around a corner. Her heart seemed to thud to a stop as she comprehended the blank wall in front of her; a dead end.

"Too bad. Let's go, Ichigo." He walked toward her now, slowly, softly. She felt something swell in her chest, a feeling that alarmed her as much as it made her very, very sad. She wanted to make him stop hurting.

"Come on now," he continued. "Even if you say 'no', I'm taking you with me. I've already decided." Could he love her this much? She'd been missing the depth of his feeling all this time, brushing off time and again what she thought were only his attempts to chat her up. No one had told her this was real. She thought frantically of all their encounters, his constant pleas that she go with him, and in the light of this new revelation, guilt made her knees weak.

"I came all the way to pick you up, so come with me." He was motionless before her now. She tried to see the same cockiness in him that she always had before. But now that she considered it, the boy in front of her was clearly in despair. Why had she only just now noticed, after all this time?

He was looking at her still, eyes barely concealing the fire burning behind them. She struggled for words. "I… I-"

He stepped forward, hand outstretched. He was smiling now. "Come with me, Ichigo. Let's go somewhere away from all the fighting. Just the two of us." Ichigo shut her eyes tightly and shook her head, trying to banish the wretched thoughts that now crept into her mind. She thought of the horrible thing she'd done. The guilt was rending her right through. Fighting; was it really so difficult to imagine an alternative solution their problem? Aoyama-kun talked to her of peace all the time. He heart ached in earnest now, at the thought of her dear Aoyama, and what she knew in the back of her mind she was about to do.

She felt his hand close around her wrist, gripping her tightly. "Why?" The word whispered past her lips, more of a spoken thought than a question.

Kisshu looked surprised. "'Why?'" He smiled now, softly. "Ichigo… Don't be stubborn. I know you'll understand." He tilted his head to one side, gazing into her eyes intently. She could see her pale reflection in his eyes; the eyes that were now filling with love so tender Ichigo would have thought it impossible to miss. And yet she had. And she'd hurt him so much.

"Ichigo," he put his other hand on her shoulder, turning her gently to face him. "You'll come with me… right?" Her breath caught in her throat. She could hear her pulse pounding in her ears. She wished for all the world that she could have stopped herself from sliding into this freefall, could have stopped herself from tumbling over the edge in her mind that now prevented her from any other course of action. She drew a breath.

"I will."

***

_Ichigo made her way quickly; the basement had always creeped her out. She hated that Ryou spent so much time down here; it made it nearly impossible to get to him with questions quickly enough for his answers to be useful. He hadn't explained the task he'd given her nearly enough._

_She scowled as she reached the computer room, turning the handle of the door and throwing her weight against the heavy metal to open it. The soft glow of computer monitors and the click of the keyboard greeted her as she slipped into the semi-darkness. She was about to announce her presence when a loud bang startled her out of her skin. She jumped, stumbling into the door behind her, which banged shut. Her hand was halfway to her power pendant before she realized the sound was only a recording; Keiichiro was playing a video clip._

"_You can't even enter a room without causing a commotion. What do you want, Ichigo?" Ryou's tone was sarcastic; he hadn't even looked over to acknowledge her. She grumbled; he was always so rude. But in the end, he wrote her pay checks, so she couldn't exactly be rude back._

"_You didn't tell me where you left the key to the supplies closet." She tried to sound civil as she walked over to where he stood behind Keiichiro's chair. _

_He rolled his eyes, still watching the screen. "I seem to recall you demanding that I give it to you, and watching you put it in your apron pocket so it 'wouldn't get lost'." Ichigo's cheeks flamed red as her hand shot into her pocket, closing around the key in question._

"_Oh." She waited in awkward silence for him to say something else, but his eyes didn't move from the glowing computer monitor. Ichigo realized that Keiichiro had been uncharacteristically silent this whole time; he too, was watching the computer intently. Ichigo turned her eyes curiously to the screen; the video playing looked like a recording of one of their battles with the aliens._

"_It's a playback of a recording from R 2000's camera, taken last week." Ryou stated distractedly, guessing her thoughts._

"_I know that," Ichigo stated somewhat indignantly. "Why are you watching it again, though? You were there, weren't you?" A blurred form shot across the screen briefly as she said this; it moved so quickly it was hard to make out what it was. _

"_There!" Ryou leaned forward, pointing. "Go back, slowly, and pause it there." Keiichiro did as he asked, the soft light making his skin glow blue, rewinding silently frame by frame. The form of an alien half flying, half falling through glowing pink light came slowly into view; Ichigo recognized it to be Kisshu. It looked as though he'd been thrown through the air by one of her attacks. But what was so special about that? This was nothing new; she and the others kicked his butt regularly. "I still don't see what-"_

"_Sh!" Ryou motioned for her to be quiet, leaning toward the monitor expectantly. He stood up as Keiichiro paused the video however, and let out a long, slow breath. Ichigo glanced at the screen again; it now displayed a still shot of Kisshu, viewed from the back. His loose shirt was pushed up over his shoulders, blown by the wind, or perhaps by the force of the attack that had sent him flying. Ichigo was startled to see that a small patch of the pale, exposed skin between his shoulder blades was discoloured, a mottled, splotchy blue. _

_Keiichiro sat back in his chair, seeming to deflate. Ryou stood motionless, arms crossed over his chest, face blank. "I… I suppose this is a good thing. For us, of course…" It was Keiichiro who spoke now; his voice was quieter than usual, and he trailed off at the end of his sentence, as if he wasn't invested in it enough to finish. Ryou said nothing. _

_Ichigo felt her pulse quicken inexplicably. "What… What's wrong? What is that… on his back?" She looked from Keiichiro to Ryou and back again, the sense that something was wrong beginning to grow and throb in her chest, squeezing the air out of her lungs._

_Ryou looked at her, and his face was hard. "It's an infection." She looked at him uncomprehendingly. _

"_What, like the kind you get from not cleaning a cut?"_

_Ryou shook his head. "No." He looked at Keiichiro, who hesitated before nodding for him to continue. "Up until now, we thought it only occurred in kirema animas. The energy that you and the other Mews generate with your attacks causes it."_

_Ichigo gasped. "Our attacks do _that_? What kind of radiation do you mean? Isn't that dangerous?" _

_Ryou shook his head again, slowly. "Not for humans. The DNA of the alien parasites that mutate into kirema animas is very unstable by our standards. The energy created by the Mew gene in your bodies causes their cells to short out and stop working. That's how you girls are able to destroy the kiremas; since their genes are so unstable, they literally fall apart."_

_Why hadn't she wondered how her powers worked before? It seemed such an obvious thing, such a simple question. But there was something she was missing; Ryou, and Keiichiro now too, was looking at her solemnly. The bad feeling in her chest continued to intensify._

"_And… What about Kisshu?" _

_Ryou sighed and massaged his forehead. "We had no idea of the effects of the radiation on the aliens themselves." Her breath caught in her throat. "We thought it would have little effect on them because their genetic makeup is so much more complex than that of the parasites. But the state of Earth's environment seems to have a weakening effect on their immune systems. This one," he gestured to the screen, "has been here the longest, been exposed to the most radiation. The infection doesn't seem to have any symptoms in early stages other than the discolouration; I don't think he or his companions will have noticed it."_

_Hands clasped over her heart, she stood motionless, trying to comprehend. What did this mean? She'd made Kisshu sick? She felt off-balance, as though her anxious feelings were misplaced. He teased her, infuriated her, kissed her without her permission, tried to destroy Tokyo on a regular basis. But Ichigo realized in a moment of frigid understanding that she had never intended to hurt him._

_She forced herself to voice her next question. "He'll get better though, right?"_

_Ryou was silent, unable to meet her eyes for the first time since she'd known him. She turned to Keiichiro. 'Ichigo-san…" His voice was so gentle, and terribly sad. "You must understand; they are our enemies. Even if there was something we could do, it would be counter-active to our goal."_

_She became frantic. "What does that have to do with anything?! What are you saying?"_

"_The infection will spread quickly, Ichigo." Ryou's voice was hard now; still he avoided her gaze. "It will take a few months to progress fully." _

_Ichigo shuddered. She couldn't believe this; she didn't want to. "And then?"_

_Ryou looked at her finally, eyes full of uncharacteristic sympathy. "He will die."_

***

Kisshu blinked, his face going blank. "I… You… What?" Ichigo nodded, slowly, ever so slowly, not trusting herself to speak, and reached her hand out shakily to touch his arm. His eyes widened in wonder; he opened his mouth but no sound came out. Slowly, joy began to filter into his eyes, lighting him from within. She tried to combat the overwhelming guilt that filled her when she looked at his face, now so happy, so disbelievingly happy. For now, his happiness was distracting him from wondering at her sudden change of heart. That was a good thing; she'd have time to think of a convincing story. He leaned into her now, wrapping his arms around her tightly, tenderly; he was warm. She unexpectedly felt the urge to wrap her arms around him as well, this dying boy, and so she did. She held him tightly, hands shying away from the spot between his shoulders, and tried very hard not to shudder; she couldn't bear to cause him any more pain.

He released her after a moment, grasping her hands tightly. "Koneko-chan…" He spoke cautiously, as though he didn't quite believe he wasn't dreaming. "Ichigo, I love you." He gazed into her eyes, as if trying to send her his feelings through them. "Where shall we go, kitten?" He smiled at her, brilliantly, reverently touching her cheek with his fingertips. She smiled back at him now, forcing her sorrow – both for him and for herself - into the back of her mind. She would be happy, for him. Atone for the hurt she caused him; make up for all his pain. But she owed him so much more. And so she would strive, until the very end, until he'd breathed his last, to love him.

"I'll let you decide, Kisshu-kun." His eyes lit up when she said his name and at the affectionate suffix she added, sparkling with a radiance so different from the cold glare she'd always known that she felt a timid warmth spreading somewhere in her heart. Next to the newly-formed hole, which was widening with every passing second.

"Alright, koneko-chan, I'll surprise you!" He took her hands in his again, holding them tightly, as if he was afraid she would slip through his grasp. Ichigo stared at their intertwined fingers, pale and paler, and thought that somehow it didn't look as strange as it ought.

Her heart ached as she thought of the others. She was letting them down, abandoning them at the worst possible time, without so much as a goodbye. But she was removing Kisshu from the battle as well as herself, and that had to even the odds. They would put two and two together eventually, and guess who she was with. Perhaps they would look for her. But they would not find her, because this time she didn't want to be found. She would see them again, of course, after the few months had passed. Surely she'd be able to find her way back from wherever Kisshu would take her. But a person could only ask for so much understanding, so much trust, before faith in that person was lost. She didn't expect to be forgiven.

"Ichigo!" She looked up from her hands, startled out of her thoughts at the sound of her name. Aoyama was standing at the end of the block, chest heaving from running, eyes wide in disbelief. Of course he would be looking for her. She was late for their date, after all, and he was so caring. So protective. He thought she needed saving.

Kisshu tensed behind her as he began to run toward them, hands stretched out, trying to reach her in what she could tell from his eyes was an attempt in vain. Her heart began to break. "Ready, koneko-chan? Hold on!" Kisshu wrapped his arms around her from behind, preparing to teleport. Aoyama wouldn't make it. Ichigo met his panicked eyes, smiling sadly, and shook her head. The air around her began to shimmer, the world to disassemble, and as Ichigo felt her feet leave the ground, the tears she'd been trying so hard to hold back spilled over.


End file.
